Progress, Not Perfection: Overcoming Perfectionism

A little story time.

A few years ago, I attended a writer’s workshop in Dallas, a small gathering of about 8 or 9 people. We were instructed to write a poem inspired by a word. We were given 30 minutes to compose a piece, and then asked to share what we’d written to the rest of the group.

I spent those 30 minutes agonizing over what I had to say, writing and crossing out every word I’d jotted down. It was the tone, no, the wording. It was the rhyme and rhythm, the flow. Nothing came out the way I wanted it to.

My voice had vanished.

Why couldn’t the words I’d formed in my mind come out on paper?

Why couldn’t I just write something down?

When it came time to share our compositions, I was mortified. I sat in shame, not having written anything to share because I spent the whole time crossing out everything I had written.

One man looked at me kindly, empathetically. “You didn’t allow yourself to draft,” he said softly.

Ah.

Ever since that day at the workshop, the advice that man gave me has stuck with me. I now try to carry it in every aspect of my life, not just when creating or writing.

“Breathe” by Sarah Va Xiong

Progress, Not Perfection

Have you ever been in the same situation, where you were so focused on the perfect outcome, that it paralyzed you from creating anything at all? Although I am still practicing progress over perfection myself, there are some things I try to keep in mind in order to prioritize progress, not perfection. Here are four things I do to overcome my own perfectionism.

1. Give Yourself Grace
   Maybe you were raised with high expectations. You had to be high performing and a high achiever in order to get approval from those around you. This might have carried over into adulthood, and now these high expectations are ones that you impose onto yourself. Although there is nothing wrong with having high expectations for yourself, make sure that it doesn’t also cause more stress than it does peace. Remember that no one is perfect. We’re all learning. We all make mistakes, so allow yourself to make some. And then learn from them. Give yourself some slack.

2. Set Realistic Expectations
   Many times, we make broad and sweeping goals for ourselves, and then when we cannot achieve those goals, we get disappointed in ourselves. Be specific about what you want to achieve. Maybe it’s writing 100 words a day, or sketching for 1 hour a day. Whatever that goal is, time-box it, and make it tangible. Once you’ve done that, evaluate whether or not your habits or lifestyle will actually allow you to achieve that goal. If it doesn’t, allow yourself to go back and edit the goals you have set for yourself. You are fluid and always evolving. The goals that you set for yourself should be too.

3. Take Baby Steps
   If you have set a large goal for yourself, it can sometimes feel overwhelming and daunting to take on. Give yourself a deadline, and then break up the goal into smaller chunks. Take baby steps to reach that goal so that it doesn’t feel as though you have to do it all at once. Want to write a book? Break it up so that you only write parts of it at a time. Working on a new piece? Schedule in a certain amount of time a day to work on it. You’ll start seeing progress, little by little, which can be encouraging when your task seems massive. As you start meeting these smaller milestones, you can feel more accomplished because the smaller actions make up the bigger whole.

4. Take a Breath
   Still having trouble? Try to relax. Meditation oftentimes will force me to pause, take a breath, and then put my expectations into perspective. It reminds me to stay present, in the moment and in the process that I am in so that I am not so in my head and focused on the perfect outcome. Once I am settled enough, I can go back to my work with a clearer mind and a more compassionate view of what I want to achieve.

Summary

We are our own worst critics. The pressure we feel the most comes from ourselves more than anyone else. It’s easy to fall into the mouth of that perfectionism monster. If you find yourself on the precipice of that deep, dark hole, step back. Remember that you are human, and you are a culmination of drafts. Allow yourself to do what you do most naturally.

Draft.
Be iterative.
Try, test, and try again.